Killing apathy
I always try to self evaluate every year and this year was no different. I evaluate my heart and find some goals not reached and my spiritual growth to have been slow. Its hard to admit, my life as thus far in my early 30s seems to have come in what seems just inches at a time, when I want so much more. I look back at the past 365 days and wonder what could have been if I had not wasted those precious minutes, but I look forward to the future for I know the end goal to be a life lived in honor to God.
A year vs five.. When I look back at the last year its easy for me to be self critical and say What have you really accomplished and did you honor God in the process? ‘You didn’t do nearly half of what you wanted to achieve in your work, your family, or your own spiritual growth’ I hear my own self doubt and I’m always reminded of a song by Larry Norman ‘Walking Backwards Down the Stairs’ I always felt so much in common with these lyrics. They aren’t culturally relevant, or inspiring in fact they are quite the opposite. I wish I could say anyone reading this has even heard the song, but I know thats far reaching! I always look back and feel like I have been spiritually stagnant, like I’m facing the right direction in this race (1) but either I’m moving the wrong direction or my pace is that of a scenic walk, instead of a focused intentional race to a finish line. Now lets be clear I’m no runner ‘Run for fun I ask? What kind of fun is that?’ running metaphors have little application to my life. I would rather paint you a picture than run a mile, but whatever analogy I use the point remains, I’m in this for the long ‘run’ and the deceitful lies I tell myself about not making progress are just that.
I have accomplished more this year than in the last 5 combined, in what seems all areas of my life my work, my children’s education, and my walk with God just to name a few! I don’t say that to brag but celebrate a life moving forward. The long game. Not a sprint, a marathon. An artists masterpiece can take years to complete It took Michelangelo 4 years to complete the Sistine Chapel something he would rather have not even started! Though ones pace is slow at times and we may not enjoy the work or circumstance we are in, the goal remains to finish. Though the temptation to give up is there we forge ahead. Not walking backwards like the song suggests but focused on the goal. There is no greater harm than time wasted so we press on. I look forward to the year to come and I pray that I desire more than I can accomplish.
(1) Acts 20:24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.